Everywhere.
Me is everywhere.I cannot live this constricting life of repetive strains and maintainance of maintaining legal pain.Everywhere is me cause I wanna be a bird but am I a swan?The swan whose beauty justs stays on the murky water, for eye service?
No.
I am a black bird, dark as ebony and never staying.My wings are metophoric and my speed is mental.I'm in Japan and Spain and Austria....I is everywhere and everywhere is myself.
The me I wanna be...not this London bound robot who journeys thru shoreditch every fucking day.We are travellers. I am the traveller through my eyes and heart.I feel the buzz of the take off in the terminal grounds.My feet are gold on the destination point.
Me, everywhere.You, with me?No, lone flight...sorry Calvin.Once my degree is done...Once my degree is done.I'm will speed with my wings and take out from the take-off.
Wind is blueish enhanced by rouge, on my hair.Speed is that phenomenal.I speak so that I say I can go.Take me sky and propell me to through the burgundy moons.
Tuesday, 10 February 2009
Grad After
Grad after
The robe is black but the mood will not reflect my skin tone.Class walks and deep grins will be aloof as our feet hit the podium.Hats on, then down and upward.The script is rolled and and wil it be the 2.2 or even a 2.1?Music will be glorified with cameras and twinkles.But what after?Grad after, a black girl grad...Shiny girl with even shinier hair.I'm that new kid on the block and I know that I rock.
The robe is black but the mood will not reflect my skin tone.Class walks and deep grins will be aloof as our feet hit the podium.Hats on, then down and upward.The script is rolled and and wil it be the 2.2 or even a 2.1?Music will be glorified with cameras and twinkles.But what after?Grad after, a black girl grad...Shiny girl with even shinier hair.I'm that new kid on the block and I know that I rock.
After graduation...free hopes and costly dreams.
After graduation...free hopes and costly dreams.
After the 1st note got lost..I'll just wrote another one.I'm sitting in the dark, on my laptop doing fuck all. Mostly outta lazy arse bordom but hey..I've got like 5 months left than I am gone and will be a grad. And, that thought is one mixed with a lot of feelings. I am not unhappy nor happy but I am very keen to do something out of my routine. I am aware that I have a long time till I decide what I want to do long term. I am aware that even older people start over or still don't know what they want to do either. There is no rush to suddenly find the 'job'. Not saying that everyone should wait but it helps; each to their own depending on the circumstances. Even so when you graduate, chances are that (unless u r lucky or have contacts) that you may not a graduate job (even at trainee level) for a very very very long time. Nothing is perfect and frankly...that 'perfect' job may not exist for everybody; however a very good job is within reach; not in easy reach but within some distance hopefully. Even so, when people do work their jobs, they may change them because its not what they wanted or they are still looking for something that they ain't got yet.After graduation I had plans to do this and that and whatnot but plans...they don't always go according to plan. I constantly lied to myself saying that I wanna be a author when it was never true or ever gonna happen. The writing world is a world that I have seen closer up and its one that I ain't feeling. So now, I don't know what I wanna do but I do know this...I will work fucking hard and use my 'I don't know time' wisely. But before I do that, I'm taking a complete month off and then a holiday...lol. Volunteering and work experience are being taken up right now by myself, and I will continue to deep my hands in different areas because having experience is pivotal. However, having a range is just even better; particularly if you're in my position and am not sure of what you want.I do have a few ideas but...I am still just floating with them in a sense. But what I do know is that I wanna go and explore. I don't know where exactly but I wanna get up and get. I'm thankful for what I have but I'm striving for more. I cannot settle for less because my sanity might take a battering and that will be soul destroying. Its not easy and its certainly not guaranteed but I will give whatever I choose to do my best shot.After graduation, I'm gonna relax then do my thing and see how it pans outs. I'm not terrified yet but later on I mite be but I'm taking it in my stride cause I wanna live. I wanna live and enjoy life too. So that for me is too, another integral reason why I ain't rushing. I do not wanna wake up 40 and realised that I worked without a purpose or without any heart.After graduation, I wanna fly out from everything. I don't wanna see anybody for a while because of how I feel about everything right now. I'm questioning so much right now and I need room on my own. I need my own space because I am becoming a woman and need to learn about myself more and how I can cope without my familiarities around me or those same things being the very reason of me not prospering. The graduation after party...who knows what could happen.To be continued...
After the 1st note got lost..I'll just wrote another one.I'm sitting in the dark, on my laptop doing fuck all. Mostly outta lazy arse bordom but hey..I've got like 5 months left than I am gone and will be a grad. And, that thought is one mixed with a lot of feelings. I am not unhappy nor happy but I am very keen to do something out of my routine. I am aware that I have a long time till I decide what I want to do long term. I am aware that even older people start over or still don't know what they want to do either. There is no rush to suddenly find the 'job'. Not saying that everyone should wait but it helps; each to their own depending on the circumstances. Even so when you graduate, chances are that (unless u r lucky or have contacts) that you may not a graduate job (even at trainee level) for a very very very long time. Nothing is perfect and frankly...that 'perfect' job may not exist for everybody; however a very good job is within reach; not in easy reach but within some distance hopefully. Even so, when people do work their jobs, they may change them because its not what they wanted or they are still looking for something that they ain't got yet.After graduation I had plans to do this and that and whatnot but plans...they don't always go according to plan. I constantly lied to myself saying that I wanna be a author when it was never true or ever gonna happen. The writing world is a world that I have seen closer up and its one that I ain't feeling. So now, I don't know what I wanna do but I do know this...I will work fucking hard and use my 'I don't know time' wisely. But before I do that, I'm taking a complete month off and then a holiday...lol. Volunteering and work experience are being taken up right now by myself, and I will continue to deep my hands in different areas because having experience is pivotal. However, having a range is just even better; particularly if you're in my position and am not sure of what you want.I do have a few ideas but...I am still just floating with them in a sense. But what I do know is that I wanna go and explore. I don't know where exactly but I wanna get up and get. I'm thankful for what I have but I'm striving for more. I cannot settle for less because my sanity might take a battering and that will be soul destroying. Its not easy and its certainly not guaranteed but I will give whatever I choose to do my best shot.After graduation, I'm gonna relax then do my thing and see how it pans outs. I'm not terrified yet but later on I mite be but I'm taking it in my stride cause I wanna live. I wanna live and enjoy life too. So that for me is too, another integral reason why I ain't rushing. I do not wanna wake up 40 and realised that I worked without a purpose or without any heart.After graduation, I wanna fly out from everything. I don't wanna see anybody for a while because of how I feel about everything right now. I'm questioning so much right now and I need room on my own. I need my own space because I am becoming a woman and need to learn about myself more and how I can cope without my familiarities around me or those same things being the very reason of me not prospering. The graduation after party...who knows what could happen.To be continued...
Demise with my heart rate rapid
Demise with my heart rate rapid.
Intense scrutiny of one's situation and the destroying effects.Left broken and burnt.Cut up and feeling so angry, these times are so testing.Tears are not that far but they will not come.How far are the bad times gonna go?How far will I regress?This life is not on and maybe this may be another encripted lehp ryc fo desperation.Pitiful, secrecy of the worse demise.Discretionate sadness, then lying to say that everything is alright.Deep unrest, never with both eyes closed.No one will ever feel the way that I do right now.So close to the unmentionable, so near I can taste the door of darkness and the door takers breath.Smlling the lucid air and holding back my tears.No one.I want no one near me yet I wanna cry.So internal, so still.Oh my lord, My heart rates rapid.
Intense scrutiny of one's situation and the destroying effects.Left broken and burnt.Cut up and feeling so angry, these times are so testing.Tears are not that far but they will not come.How far are the bad times gonna go?How far will I regress?This life is not on and maybe this may be another encripted lehp ryc fo desperation.Pitiful, secrecy of the worse demise.Discretionate sadness, then lying to say that everything is alright.Deep unrest, never with both eyes closed.No one will ever feel the way that I do right now.So close to the unmentionable, so near I can taste the door of darkness and the door takers breath.Smlling the lucid air and holding back my tears.No one.I want no one near me yet I wanna cry.So internal, so still.Oh my lord, My heart rates rapid.
A favored clip...
A clip from one of my favorite songs...
Evertime that we walk the streets, I try my best to keep up with the beat. You're everything that I never could keep. I hear that sound and it starts to repeat..
Evertime that we walk the streets, I try my best to keep up with the beat. You're everything that I never could keep. I hear that sound and it starts to repeat..
Concrete Dandelion
Withered greys of leafy yellow flower.The dandelion that still stands, almost alone.With nobody but herself, really...The wind and tornadoes have come. She's takes the batterig but stands still cause she is concrete, even though she looks so small.The family are far away and her friends are nearby but not in stem shot.The root is tested but Dandelion holds the ground, stiff like cement.A silent tear leaves her flower, she only allows one.Just one tear, for the minute comfort of expressing herself.The seeds are closed but she still grows, her body still evolves.She will make it through this tough season. The concrete Dandelion.Braves my times and only cries inside. Raw but sweet.
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