Shall I let go of her?

Shall I stop, turn and listen for a change?
Should I have listened for a fucking change?
Or was this all really a lesson that jesus needed to show me.
My mind is not sure of my feelings, I'm a mixture of terrifyied, frightened and afraid of stark realities that my actions had made for the up and coming consequnce.It all could come to an end and I never even tried. It could all come to a halt but I never got to break in the car. She was an delicacy that I never really wanted to earn; I just used her for the namesake and pretended to myself that I wanted her. My foolishness and procrasination lost her and my final chance hangs in the balance.No work, bad play and ignorant bliss lost her for me.
I found out then fell in the black well of my ultimate nightmare.The nightmare of being exposed as a fraud; the exposure to my family and friends. The truth will reveal my true work worth as a sham.
Shall I fight or let her throw me through.Will I drown in the river of no s.status? Will it be that awful?
The paradise of comfy pre-work world may shut me out and all perks will be lost.
Shall I let go of her and find a new world?Or shall I fight and hold her tight until she takes me back. Even though I know deep deep down in that place that no one knows exists inside of me I don't even know if I really want her back.
My fingers are skinny and tight; my thought are loose and scattered.
Shall Ilet goof her.
Not even my salty tears can answer that one for this time.