After graduation...free hopes and costly dreams.

After graduation...free hopes and costly dreams.

After the 1st note got lost..I'll just wrote another one.I'm sitting in the dark, on my laptop doing fuck all. Mostly outta lazy arse bordom but hey..I've got like 5 months left than I am gone and will be a grad. And, that thought is one mixed with a lot of feelings. I am not unhappy nor happy but I am very keen to do something out of my routine. I am aware that I have a long time till I decide what I want to do long term. I am aware that even older people start over or still don't know what they want to do either. There is no rush to suddenly find the 'job'. Not saying that everyone should wait but it helps; each to their own depending on the circumstances. Even so when you graduate, chances are that (unless u r lucky or have contacts) that you may not a graduate job (even at trainee level) for a very very very long time. Nothing is perfect and frankly...that 'perfect' job may not exist for everybody; however a very good job is within reach; not in easy reach but within some distance hopefully. Even so, when people do work their jobs, they may change them because its not what they wanted or they are still looking for something that they ain't got yet.After graduation I had plans to do this and that and whatnot but plans...they don't always go according to plan. I constantly lied to myself saying that I wanna be a author when it was never true or ever gonna happen. The writing world is a world that I have seen closer up and its one that I ain't feeling. So now, I don't know what I wanna do but I do know this...I will work fucking hard and use my 'I don't know time' wisely. But before I do that, I'm taking a complete month off and then a holiday...lol. Volunteering and work experience are being taken up right now by myself, and I will continue to deep my hands in different areas because having experience is pivotal. However, having a range is just even better; particularly if you're in my position and am not sure of what you want.I do have a few ideas but...I am still just floating with them in a sense. But what I do know is that I wanna go and explore. I don't know where exactly but I wanna get up and get. I'm thankful for what I have but I'm striving for more. I cannot settle for less because my sanity might take a battering and that will be soul destroying. Its not easy and its certainly not guaranteed but I will give whatever I choose to do my best shot.After graduation, I'm gonna relax then do my thing and see how it pans outs. I'm not terrified yet but later on I mite be but I'm taking it in my stride cause I wanna live. I wanna live and enjoy life too. So that for me is too, another integral reason why I ain't rushing. I do not wanna wake up 40 and realised that I worked without a purpose or without any heart.After graduation, I wanna fly out from everything. I don't wanna see anybody for a while because of how I feel about everything right now. I'm questioning so much right now and I need room on my own. I need my own space because I am becoming a woman and need to learn about myself more and how I can cope without my familiarities around me or those same things being the very reason of me not prospering. The graduation after party...who knows what could happen.To be continued...