Why can't I help myself? I just love him/her too much....

I write and he comes out. or she.Whatever sex it will choose,I write and he comes when I'm horny or in sexual need.She comes out when I'm writing about my turmoil and how I feel or what I'm feeling for.

But they don't want me or my bent back or my spotty forehead or my muscular shoulders.They don't want me and I'm not good enough for them, I've a long way to go before I reach.I hate myself and I am starved of those words.

I am an addict for that written expression. I cannot be asked yet want to be.I'm not even making sense cause I'm in numbe pain. Numbed out in virtual livings and my own denial.I'm sleep walking.

I love these words, I love them so much or maybe I don't cause I don't know what love feels like.

Infatuation could be it instead.Complete ramblings that are actually near completion.