Back to black; again and again and.....

Back to black; again and again and.....

What is new? Nothing.
* feel pulled at, bugged, angry, pissed off, not happy at all. No sense of peace because there is so much going on that well...people would not guess.How long will pretense last for? How long will the patience last for? How long will it be before open their eyes and things for what they are? How do * have to wait? How long?! How long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When will it end? After trying and trying and trying but falling back in the trap!?Black hole? No...* am at the earth's core. Save the body from the earth's coreHey, can I borrow your patience? Oh * can I borrow your self-esteem or...don't wanna ask for too much but can I take the piss out of you too?

I


need


space.


And I make that for me. I need to get out and get out soon.Walls of sandy stone will break and crumble down like cheap apple crumble.The thinnest layers are stretching like cheap glue, with see thru tints.Do I see gold...no...just clearness; nothing is there.

Deadly depression...is now the question, unhappiness of moaning and holding...in. The steam of hot headed-ness.Maybe not depression but unhappiness that is noticed but not dealt with. Complications of fluctuations of feelings are the heat that burns the shoulders and itches the eyes.

No room for sole companionship, no place for overnight talk, no space for the headcase.The paranoia is in official ramblings and * is distressed.

Gross and icky skin, hair that is losing body, the body that is losing its glamour. Encripted crys of help are taking place and people are listening but then * lie. Lie and lie and lie.A lone rider is maybe what I need to be now; ride my own cause its all getting to me.Work is getting to me, I don't know how I feel about uni. I feel like the fucking special dumb kid who they let back in on a snippet of actual merit. Some people would kill me if they heard that but thats the truth although *believe me...* I am still grateful for the bone I was thrown. I'm still trying though to be a good student but how long will that last for? Does a zebra ever change their stripes...or do they zip em up in a tight body suit?

Maybe I should pack it all in and say fuck it all to all of this shit? Maybe I should be a someone who works 5 days a week and have money with not much happiness.Know one will ever understand me; They'll only ever accept me because sometimes I still try to understand myself,

What does Abiola really want? What makes me happy? Why am I alaways on the shelf in every aspect?Why do I need? What is best for me? Who or what do I get rid off in my life?Another blog; with answers that only * can find.